Parents and Grandparents

Some of us are old enough to have aging parents and if lucky still have a grandparent(s) around.  Sometimes it falls to us the children and grandchildren to take care of them.  Sometimes it falls to us to have to take care of them, even if it means living with them.  If you already live with them, and you don't pay anything to live there and your sole responsibility is to take care of your parent, why is it such a problem?  If they say they don't feel well, or want to go to the hospital, you should do it.  If there are two children living in the house, the same applies.  Why do we complain about taking care of them if that's what we are there for?  Why is the first thing that comes to mind is sticking them away somewhere?  I've written a lot about my grandma, but I don't think I ever complain or moaned about all the doctor visits I have to take her to, driving her out to her home to pick up her mail, as she temporally(?) staying with my mom.  Yes, I've put her in her place when I couldn't take HER complaining about certain things, but never about her health.  Do I think she might have a touch of hypochondria? Yeah. If someone is sick, she seems to always come down with something. Funny even her doctor pointed it out to her on her last visit to her PCP.  BUT, it's her body, her money and if she needs to go to the doctor 5 times a day then so be it.  I don't live with her, but I'm her taxi and the closest person who actually understands what is going on.  I have to constantly explain to her what her doctor is telling her.  It frustrates her when they talk to me, but there is a reason for that.  She doesn't listen very well, she's half deaf, and she takes away what she wants to hear and not the rest.  This is where I have to intervene and explain things to her.  This doesn't frustrate me. The complaining about her dirty house and her son who is taking care of things while she is gone.  I think I wrote about having it out with her a few weeks ago or maybe even earlier than that.  It seems to have made a slight impact.  We went to her house on Monday after her doctor appointment, and she wanted to go inside.  I had already set the rule that if I take her there, she either stays in the car while I grab what she wants, or if she goes inside no complaining about anything.  I reminded her of this when she started to get out of the car and she told me she remembered and she would do her best.  Low and behold, not one complaint about her house.  Didn't even get down in the mouth and gave a compliment to her son about weeding out her flower garden.  He of course can't take a compliment that is given, he has to complain it wasn't a good enough compliment.  He is such another story I'm not going further than that.  My point is, I think I got through to her, at least a little bit.
But this isn't about my grandma per se, it was just an example.   Now the other "example" I gave about the two daughters are the complete opposite.  They live with their mom, who is retired at 60, (long story) and it primarily the oldest sister who should be taking care of her mom, but no reason the little sister can't help.  It's pathetic that they live in the same house, but if mom needs anything she has to call her daughter on the phone, who is in the house, to come help her.  They see her as an inconvenience and they blame her for their father's suicide.  No one put that gun in his hand, he's the one who did it all.  Regardless of if they were having marriage problems, you don't kill yourself because of it.  So the anger is misplaced, they should be angry with their father, which is far healthier than being angry with your mother and blaming her.  They don't take into account that she lost her husband and mate for the last 35 years.  She can't talk to them because they don't want to listen.  They are there for the money and easy ride.  God forbid they should actually have to do something to help her.  They call her a hypochondriac and they are tired of it.  Hypochondriac usually are that way for a reason.  The don't get any attention otherwise and so the only way they know to get attention is to feel ill.  Maybe start spending time out, away from the house would help.  Take her on outings, and try to get her involved with people she can feel comfortable with.  This woman still has not received any comfort from her children about the loss of her husband.  They just place blame.  And they want the money.  If she is gone, committed or otherwise, they have the money.  This seems to me like their plan from the get go.  I was at the hospital the night her husband did what he did.  4 of his six siblings were already debating on how long it would take to put "mama" in the nuthouse.  The man was still alive, and none of them sat with her while we were waiting for the news if he would make it or not as he didn't complete the job.  Her son and the one daughter who lives her on her own with hew two kids are the ones who sat with her, and mainly her son.  He held her when she cried.  The others didn't even want to be in the same room. 
Despite the circumstances, be kind to your parents and your grandparents.  They raised you, sheltered you and loved you.  Why in their time of need can't we at least do the same for them?